Cruising

I finally got a car. A 1995 Ford *cough*Taurus.

Upon learning of my purchase, a coworker paid me the following backhanded compliment: “Taurus is okay…my mom drives one.” Exactly.

Stumbled across the car while riding the bus to work one day. It was in perfect condition inside and out, as confirmed by my three-block solo test drive. Sometimes, you can just tell these things.

There’s one other thing. I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to come out and say it: it’s white.

Who buys a plain, white car? White cars are indicative of their owners’ utter lack of taste. But desperate used-car buyers like myself can plead lack of choices. It’s the new car buyers tooling around in white cars who are screwing the rest of us down the line. If it were up to me, dealers wouldn’t even offer cars in this color.

Anyway, if I knew I was going to end up with a family Ford that was white, I would have gotten a Crown Victoria. At least then I could fool people into thinking I was a cop, and force them to get out of my way.

I’d start listing engine specs, but who cares? It’s a Taurus. There will be no more going 120mph in a 40mph zone. Not with a speedometer that only goes up to 85 (my ’91 Laser’s speedo went up to 140). This car is so long and broad that when you go 45mph, it feels like 85. That will have to suffice.

The only way to spin this positively is to concentrate on the frivolities like this one: It’s got power locks, windows, seats, mirrors, etc. See, when you’ve toiled for years on cars from the 1980’s, these things come as a pleasant surprise. Now, finally, I can take them for granted.

I’m still happy with the purchase, though. It’s a smoother ride, with more power than my Laser had. And in a few months, I’ll get a NEW car, at which point I’ll give this car to someone else and make fun of them for driving a white Taurus.

But the #1 benefit is that I don’t have to catch the bus anymore. And you can’t beat that for $1,900.