Eavedropping on the Conscience

Group Hug is a site that allows visitors to confess a secret to everyone else in the world. In doing so, the confessor supposed to relieve some guilt and feel better about themselves. Get it…<>.

It’s is another one of those Novel Ideas — ones that we weren’t clever enough to think of, but that seem obvious once brought to our attention. If you’re like me, you’ll spend way too much time reading page after page of people’s (formerly) innermost thoughts, realizing just how much we all have in common.

To be sure, it’s not all rosy. It seems that 80% of the confessions are about sex, and many of them go beyond the typical “I-want-my-girlfriend’s-best-friend” variety. It’s to be expected, in fact, that the illusion of anonymity entices many to share awful tales — cheating, molestation, etc.

I’m sure many of the “confessions” are probably just well-constructed lies, but that doesn’t present much of a problem. After all, as long as the tales remain plausible, the audience’s voyeuristic tendencies are satiated nonetheless. It’s sort of like porn that features 35-year-old “college co-eds” — it sure isn’t what you were expecting, but it’ll have to do.

Anyway, on to my favorite confessions thus far:

-> When I was six years old, a group of other kids my age was admiring a daddy longlegs (spider) while waiting for the school bus to come. A teacher came up and started saying how helpful spiders were and how beautiful this particular one was. I then squashed the spider in front of them all, and still don’t know why I did that, twenty years later.

-> I really don’t like to shower- it is cold when i get out. I can go a week- nobody says anything

-> I am an attorney. ‘Nuff said.

-> In the throws of puberty, I once took the family kitten to the bathroom and got it to lick my penis. After 10 seconds I felt terribly guilty. Within the month the kitten had run away. I still feel terrible about it.

-> i fantasize about vandalizing hummers. i hate those cars.

And finally…

-> At my job, I have to drive a 40-foot long trailer full of books back to a library. Usually I drive it across town. I have to take up the whole road when I make turns, over-compensate, I can’t go more than 30 mph, etc….It’s huge basically.

So one day while making a right turn, some woman with Virginia plates comes up on the left of me mad close, and I ass-ended her car with the back of the trailer. Her shit was Done; the whole right side of her car was dented in, he mirror was hangin off, the window broke. At the time I had to act like I felt bad and that it was an accident, but I was really only saving face for the library.

Thats what she gets for coming to NY.

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