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February 03, 2005
Nothing
Just posting for the hell of it. Hey, would you want "American Idol" at the top of your home page? Okay. December 14, 2003
Kung Fu Fightin'
Holy shit, check out this clip:  [click the pic] And I thought this was the stuff of Hollywood... December 13, 2003
Juvenile Idiots
"Guy talk," for any chick who wondered. This happens to be about fantasy football teams. Note the way "guy conversation" oscillates between hostility and cordiality. amonte (4:54:06 PM): one of my receivers had 0 catches yesterday December 08, 2003
Poor Sucka
News flash: Don't IM random people and expect them to engage you in intellectual conversation when your profile makes you seem like your IQ is somewhere around 75. darius5713 (10:47:17 PM): whassup man, interseting profile, i consider myself a black geek as well. somewhat older, into iternational affairs, star trek fanatic, TNG was the best series. Love chess and chinese chess. tech_wizerd (10:47:41 PM): ah tech_wizerd (10:47:46 PM): "TOP DAWG HERE, LOOKIN TA BUST A NUT IN YOU" tech_wizerd (10:47:49 PM): very nerdy. darius5713 (10:48:14 PM): LOL its just for common parlance darius5713 (10:48:26 PM): but it is true tech_wizerd (10:48:43 PM): Okay, I'm not interested. tech_wizerd (10:48:50 PM): You don't think that's ignorant? darius5713 (10:49:25 PM): well ignorance canot be define on the basis of simply one observation darius5713 (10:49:34 PM): it equires a little more depth tech_wizerd (10:49:37 PM): No, I didn't ask if YOU were ignorant. I asked if you thought THAT was ignorant. darius5713 (10:49:45 PM): how ever sory to have distrubed you darius5713 (10:49:53 PM): i just took a chance tech_wizerd (10:50:04 PM): alrighty darius5713 (10:50:45 PM): it served its purpose as most toos do. i'm a top and i wante dto attrct bttoms to me darius5713 (10:50:56 PM): it was a successful tactic tech_wizerd (10:50:56 PM): ok good luck darius5713 (10:51:02 PM): peace darius5713 (10:52:25 PM): incidentally, i put my age in binary cose i wonder if you're able to figure it out darius5713 (10:52:38 PM): binary code tech_wizerd (10:53:08 PM): Yeah, I noticed it. Cute trick, I'm not into puzzles. darius5713 (10:53:43 PM): its simple 2 to the zerop 2 to the 1st then 2 to the second. BASIC tech_wizerd (10:54:01 PM): I know binary, thanks. darius5713 (10:55:35 PM): thought you would have noticed that and figured it out easily. its not a puzzle its the BASIS of COMPUTER PROGRAMMING and IT. again sorry to have disturbed you tech_wizerd (10:56:51 PM): I hardly think you placed binary code in your profile because "it is the BASIS of COMPUTER PROGRAMMING and IT." You did it to be cute and coy. So like I said, I don't do puzzles. darius5713 (10:59:00 PM): i have a degree in informatics in addition to a terminal degree in the health sciences. do bioinformatics researc and pharamcogenetics and statistical genetics, it is how we push ourselves, to grow and to learn. tech_wizerd (10:59:16 PM): what's the point? darius5713 (11:02:26 PM): again for the third time, i apparently interupted you and annoyed you when i was trying to reach out. sometimes things don't come off right. i just thought when u ex[ressed an interest n politics and chess we had more in common. i'm not into a pissing contest. unless you are published in some journal and also have some level of repsonsibility, we are on different planes. i just believe d for a moment we might have something in common. perhaps not. tolerance and circumspection take years to develop tech_wizerd (11:04:07 PM): Yes, I hope that someday I too can develop the mature sophistocation of "TOP DAWG HERE, LOOKIN TA BUST A NUT IN YOU" tech_wizerd (11:04:19 PM): You are on a different plane, indeed. darius5713 (11:04:53 PM): only one aspect of a very complex personality. first lesson things are rarely as they first appear tech_wizerd (11:05:19 PM): Right...it's all a ruse. darius5713 (11:05:56 PM): not all just many things in life require greater critical thinking than simply acceptting the obviuous as truth tech_wizerd (11:06:32 PM): Right. I mean, there are so many ways to deconstruct "TOP DAWG HERE, LOOKIN TA BUST A NUT IN YOU" tech_wizerd (11:06:56 PM): Or even the ultra-complex "chess, foreign affairs,freakin, information technology, freakin,science fiction, freakin, science fact" darius5713 (11:07:23 PM): all true and all part of life. tech_wizerd (11:09:18 PM): Look, I don't doubt that you're an intelligent man. However, some strangers have such a level of immodesty as to be prohibitively repulsive. This is one of those cases. darius5713 (11:11:26 PM): Well i believe that arrogance and a sense of certitude based on an initial impulse that is not based on critical thinking is just as offensive , perhaps more so becasue an undergraduate education is supposed to equipe the student to think criticaly and not to accept a superficial argument tech_wizerd (11:14:58 PM): Well then, you ought to blame yourself for putting forth such intellectually dishonest statements. I am not disinterested in talking to you based on an "impulse" or intuition, but rather, vulgar statements in your profile that I have no need or desire to psychoanalyze. And the bit about my education is moot, since your profile is not an argument, but rather, an advertisement that I find about as unappealing as the current dialogue. darius5713 (11:15:12 PM): i even bet you're a republican tech_wizerd (11:15:57 PM): I'm a Democrat. So much for your powers of critical thinking. You ought not to extrapolate a political affiliation from whether someone responds to your slutty and juvenile profile. darius5713 (11:16:37 PM): i wll not accept guilt for the usage of a tool on an entertianment based website. an argument defined as a general satement with truths tech_wizerd (11:17:04 PM): No one's asking you to accept guilt. Just accept that I'm not interested in talking to you. darius5713 (11:17:16 PM): okay enough fighing, i don't need this with good bye tech_wizerd (11:17:37 PM): Later. darius5713 (11:17:57 PM): UNTRUE IT WLL NEVER BE LATER EVER December 06, 2003
2003 Weblog Awards
I'll quote the words of Texas Governor George W. Bush, spoken long ago, in another country: "I'm running because I want the American dream to touch every willing heart for people who work hard for it. I don't want people to feel left behind in our country as we head into the 21st century. I'm asking for your vote. God bless you all."  Well, I've voted: CalPundit, Kos, TAPPED, ScrappleFace. Have you? Oh yeah...I'm in there too, under "Slithering Reptiles." Be sure and check my box. I won't let you down. I promise to restore honor and integr-- ... oh, never mind. November 11, 2003
Hubba Hubba
David Brooks' column this week mentions "the Hook-Up," "petting," and "sex." David Brooks. Petting. Sex. *Shudder* November 06, 2003
Inanities
Sigh...I think I'll start posting these IM conversations, since they occur so often. Folks usually stumble across my Web site rather than my Yahoo profile, but it always turns out the same way: Some schmuck IM's me, and within three exchanges it becomes clear that they're uninteresting, not too intelligent and have little if anything of substance to say. After five exchanges I'm just screwing with the person to make them go away. Why is it so hard even on this medium to find stimulating conversation? This convo had a bit of a twist, but I was still laughing in the end. coolkatinpa: whats goin on, came across your profile on Yahoo October 26, 2003
Do Not Pass Go
Is it just me, or does the new U.S. currency look like they've just been pulled out of someone's washing machine?  I dunno about this Monopoly money. For one, it doesn't have the clean crispness of greenbacks. The new dollah is ugly up close, and after a few years of being folded, creased and crumpled in hundreds of pockets, I'm pretty sure it'll look uglier. Secondly, once the new dollars become widely used, people will be able to tell at a glance whether the bills I pass are conterfeit. Now, I don't know about you, but I'll miss having WalMart cashiers hold my $50 bills up to the light to verify that negros in drug-free neighborhoods can actually get ahold of such currency. Used to be that all you needed was a DeskJet and the right kind of paper to print your own money, but now that's all shot to hell. Thanks a lot, John Snow. Update: Yeah, yeah, I know Snow is new to the job. But still, he could've put the kibosh on the project and saved folks from having to go buy color LaserJets. October 24, 2003
Orgasmic Simulation
This little Web doodad attempts to demonstrate how the other sex experiences pleasure. Sounds about right to me. Via Brainysmurf via AtlanticBlog. October 06, 2003
Why Thank You
We've all seen roadkill, but you have to wonder what kind of person thought this up:
I have to admit, though, that I found it funny. You do too, admit it. Let's just hope it was, in fact, roadkill. Thanks, Spencer. October 05, 2003
Twist of Fate
If I were this lady, I would've never married into this name. Maybe it's her maiden name, and she just had cruel parents. There are so many deliciously awkward workplace sentences to use her name in, I won't even bother listing them. September 22, 2003
September 20, 2003
September 04, 2003
Sharing Beds is a Good Idea
So yeah, a young lady responded to my online ad for a roommate. Take a look at her profile and tell me if she'd make a good roomie. September 03, 2003
Boi Meets Boi
Okay, so I was wrong. Wes won the competition on Boy Meets Boy. Brian lost. Franklin is the straight dude, and is indeed shit outta luck. That is, until the other reality TV shows come calling. I never said I was good at assessing these things. The consequence of my being wrong is that I lost a bet with Eric Masten. The terms were that the loser must do the following: 1) Create a post that names the winner with a link. 2) Include 10 sentences of adoring (or sarcastic but plausibly true) praise for the winner. 3) Leave the post at the top of the home page all day long. (I tried posting something at 11:45 last night to exploit a loophole, but no luck.) I told Eric I'd have to post in the morning because it would be hard thinking of something nice to say about him. I spent part of the night thinking of what to say, and the rest of the night thinking about issues related to a certain person's impending presidential campaign. The result was that, when I woke up, the sentences came to me quite easily: Eric Masten is a noted scholar, and also a well-known commentator on issues of great importance to the American people. He is a career public servant, having last served as Supreme Allied Comman-- ...wait a minute, wrong person. Okay, enough stalling. Here we go... 1. Eric is one heckuva smart guy. He needs to learn how to string those thoughts together into something rational, but hey, baby steps. 2. He's perceptive, too, having beaten me at his own game. See, when Boy Meets Boy came on, he and his friends all put their little collective gay antennae up, and well, they chose the straight guy and I didn't. 3. Eric is very devoted to LGBT causes, as evidenced by his recently rebranding his blog with all kinds of LGBT links. I was at his site a few weeks ago and there was nothing of the sort, but rest assured, he's not the type to act out of a guilty conscience. 4. If you go to his site, you'll see that he's a rather prolific writer. Actually, the posts are so sparse nowadays that finding a new one is akin to winning the lottery. For example, check out this gem. 5. Eric has lots of friends who dash into action to disagree whenever I say something reasonable about gay people. 6. And let's face it, the guy is a stud, plain and simple. He's got many, many 7. Along the lines of the previous sentence, Eric is an ambitious Washington intern. You were surprised? 8. Eric can be very witty. It's rare, but it's there, somewhere. If he actually wrote that. 9. The best person to toot Eric's horn is, well, Eric. And the last one... 10. I could probably count the number of gay people I know (online and offline) on one hand. But Eric is the best of the bunch, a genuine good guy who will make some lucky fellow very happy. Whew. Sure can't say I phoned that one in. And by the way, Eric, I only said that last thing because I ran out of true stuff to say. August 21, 2003
Cluelessness
Am I the only person who cheers the mistreatment of irritating idiots like this guy? Dear Prudie, —Annoyed August 18, 2003
A Thought (#2)
I am fuckin' tired of seeing Ann Richards on TV. Especially on Larry King Live, where she gets to drone on and on... I know she's old and spunky and all, but Jesus, that's enough. August 16, 2003
Stagnant Search
You'd think that They would have updated this page by now. *Update* Or even this one. Both pages are still linked from fbi.gov. August 15, 2003
My 15 Seconds
Hmm...good thing I TiVO Crossfire every day. -> [watch the clip] 
This show must be from like Wednesday, when I published this post. But thanks to the TiVO season pass feature, I'm just catching up on my Crossfire and Hardball episodes now. August 13, 2003
Data Mining
Every once in a while it’s worth examining your server logs to find out how people are finding you. Some of the search engine terms people use on Google are enlightening, and some of them are downright funny. Others are pretty depraved. Let's take a look:
Politics/Issuesanyone but bush [points here] "democrats for bush" "2004" -> [here] howard dean and stirling newberry bush kucinich dean predictions -> [here] dean vs kerry (6) -> [here] howard dean aspen vietnam -> [here] howard dean unelectable (3) -> [here] staggering ignorance american public -> [here] hail to the thief book bush -> [here] evan bayh reasonable moderate "sending a signal" "north korea" uranium -> [here] white professor teaching black history -> [here] mayor bloomberg mp3 gay high school -> [same]
Personalintj (>20) Pain Zithromax -> [here] mylanta+diarhea
Entertainmentterminator 3 plot -> [here] big budget movies -> [here] charmbracelet tour mp3 -> [here] 28 days later alternative ending -> [here] eve's bayou
Just Plain WeirdJohn Kerry eating a sandwich breastmilk movies my tivo thinks im gay -> [here] ban comin sans teeth ann coulter vagina -> [here] photos of ugly faces -> [here] war driving with hp ipaq arnold porn schwartzenegger -> [here] porn picture of aaron carter pictures of naked hypnotized men
Taboo/Bizarrecapturing the friedmans accused -> [here] pedophilia movies china elizabeth smart photos -> [here] faces of death images / photos (7) -> [here] massacre museum
boylover (5) -> [here] screwing your wife's friend
Poetic"bequeath to this anxious world" -> [here] "pessimistic and feeling trapped but still wanting to believe in love"
Miscdumb customers -> [here] white gecko starbucks pastries calories (2) "ecological footprint" test -> [here] friends with benefits (3) -> [here] "dirty knock knock jokes" 2003 Michael J Lane Email Hmm. I just realized that, by posting these, my troglodyte traffic will probably increase three-fold. Good deal! August 04, 2003
Don't Open That HTML
This was on the local noon newscast: "And today, another virus alert. There is a new computer worm making the rounds on the Internet via e-mail. The virus spreads when you open the attachment to the e-mail, known as 'html.' Microsoft is working on a patch to address the vulnerability." Nice to know they're working feverishly to eradicate the scourge of "HTML."
Blowing Off Steam #1
The worst printer I've ever tried to use is the Mita Ci 1100 color laser printer. What a fucking plodding disaster of a product. July 04, 2003
July 01, 2003
Oops
People who go 30mph in a 45mph zone are one reason why I avoid one-lane back roads. Today, after three or four miles of following a little black Jetta at this pace, we came to a stop light. I was so irritated at that point that I stopped too slowly and inadvertently bumped the Jetta. The geezer in front of me was so senile that he didn't even notice the jolt. June 28, 2003
Idiocy
"No, Frank, I didn't get a raise," my supervisor exclaimed, his arms outstretched in a what-do-they-want-from-me pose. "It's a Jewish hospital!" June 27, 2003
For the Love of God
People who write CHECKS (for items that total less than twenty dollars) in the EXPRESS LINE should be dragged out and seriously beaten. June 16, 2003
My Favorite Movie Line
-Ice-T, holding Wesley Snipes at gunpoint. New Jack City (1991)
June 13, 2003
June 07, 2003
Losing It
I think my friend has finally lost it. I guess one can only spend so much time outside the good ol' US of A... Meanwhile, in other absurd sightings... June 05, 2003
May 29, 2003
Insanitary
So I walked into the restroom at work today and I saw my co-worker, Keith, standing at the urinal and flushing it. Familiar enough, only it wasn't the once-and-done deal that most of us do. He was just standing there, hitting the handle over and over again, and filling the restroom with the near-deafening sound of blasting water. Now, I know who Keith is, but I don't know him. I've just seen him around, an old, cagey guy with a big beard. You know the type: the ones who mutters a grudging "hi" to you in the hallway without making eye contact, as if such salutations distract them from some secret diabolical scheme to take over the world. So, apprehensive as I was, I walked by and managed a lightly sarcastic remark: "Gee, I think you've flushed yours, Keith." Then Keith turns to me and goes, "Well, how else is it going to get down to the water fountain?" May 16, 2003
April 20, 2003
How's your mideast geography?
I got all the Gulf states, and even a few former Soviets. But those damn afrikaans... This post is dedicated to Azamat, my summer school buddy turned pen pal from Kyrgysztan. April 19, 2003
Dumb Customers #2
I just spoke to a customer who couldn't spell the word "clinic." Seriously. He had to ask me for help. I was dumbfounded at first; silence on the phone. Then I responded, "C-L-I-N-I-C...You know, like the free one your daughter was at yesterday?" What's happening to people these days? April 14, 2003
Dear Ethicist...
I just sent this question off to The Ethicist over at the New York Times: Dear Ethicist, Of course, he ain't gonna change my mind anyway. But maybe some folks on here can help. April 12, 2003
April 04, 2003
Healthcare IT
This is the kind of jargon-filled spam I get at work: From: Maureen G--------
To: PHL IT Department
Subject: BC of CA WTF? April 03, 2003
The Poetry of Donald Rumsfeld
The Unknown As we know, There are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know There are known unknowns. That is to say We know there are some things We do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, The ones we don’t know We don’t know. March 24, 2003
Masturbate for Peace
(Sorry...) Check out these I was just searching for "bumper stickers." Honest. While you're at it, check out these g-rated ones. March 19, 2003
Soy Milk
Okay, so I tried soy milk. 8th Continent for those who care. It tastes like something between breastmilk, watered down condensed milk, and water with a ton of creamer in it. Well, not breastmilk. I don't remember what that tastes like. But it's fun to say so. The bottom line is this: Soy milk is terrible as a standalone drink. Though "vanilla" soy milk tastes a little better, don't ever try to have soy milk and cookies. But it's great as an ingredient. I've never had oatmeal that was so damn good. Yeah, I eat oatmeal. So what? March 02, 2003
January 13, 2003
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GeckoBlue.org -- Straying far enough from the norm to make sense.
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"I wanna shoot you so bad that my dick's hard."
