I love this picture.

Ugly urban big-city neighborhood (Chicago). Streets cold, dirty and stagnant. Such a poignant way of capturing the collective self-image of those who live there.

People who write CHECKS (for items that total less than twenty dollars) in the EXPRESS LINE should be dragged out and seriously beaten.

Could there possibly be a more annoying and inappropriately used font?

Join the movement!

I think my friend has finally lost it. I guess one can only spend so much time outside the good ol' US of A...

Meanwhile, in other absurd sightings...

I made the hardest choice of my life today, and I'm still not sure if it was the right one. However, I don't think there was any way I could have avoided making it.

It is easy, with time, to forgive those who hurt you.

It is much harder, I think, to forgive those who make you hurt them.

So I walked into the restroom at work today and I saw my co-worker, Keith, standing at the urinal and flushing it.

Familiar enough, only it wasn't the once-and-done deal that most of us do. He was just standing there, hitting the handle over and over again, and filling the restroom with the near-deafening sound of blasting water.

Now, I know who Keith is, but I don't know him. I've just seen him around, an old, cagey guy with a big beard. You know the type: the ones who mutters a grudging "hi" to you in the hallway without making eye contact, as if such salutations distract them from some secret diabolical scheme to take over the world.

So, apprehensive as I was, I walked by and managed a lightly sarcastic remark: "Gee, I think you've flushed yours, Keith."

Then Keith turns to me and goes, "Well, how else is it going to get down to the water fountain?"

I've been lost in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City as of late.

Stealing ambulances, starting fights with strangers, spraying crowds of innocent bystanders with bullets...It can all be very cathartic when real life kicks you in the balls.

I'm back to reality now, though. Like a junkie, foolishly giving up the needle.

The well hasn't run dry. However, I'm distracted (and exhausted) after a week of senseless drama. I'll be back, volatile as ever, soon.

Use the snake on that sonofabitch! --->

I'm sorry...but I just can't be with someone who's this confused.

I have been through this before. I am not some fucking nurse, who's here to take care of the misfits!

-Claire, Six Feet Under

Amen.

I told you things would change.

I used to counsel other friends that, when the stress of maintaining any relationship outweighs the pleasure you receive from it, it's time to step back and assess whether a separation is needed.

I can't believe I spent so much time ignoring my own advice.

There's no way to really explain it clearly, but how about this: I'm tired of having to deal with people who are so emotionally haphazard that every interaction is a high-wire act in which I tip-toe around their deep-seated insecurities and inhibitions. And I'm tired of associating with people with whom I can't have an intelligent conversation without struggling against the narrow-minded fear and ignorance of the goddamn Dark Ages.

The person I spoke to tonight said "I've known you for X years. I can't believe you're going to do this over a freakin' issue!" That's not the reason. Heavens, no. I disagree with lots of friends "on the issues," and barring certain extreme views, it would be stupid to end friendships because of them.

At the same time, though, I've spent way too much time dealing with narrow, one-dimensional, ill-informed, up tight and selfish people who will never (care to) understand me or where I'm coming from. The cheap novelty of those interactions has now given way to a nauseating predictability that leaves me, quite simply, wanting more.

Only time will tell if I'm making a huge mistake. But I suspect that improving my own life starts with distancing myself from those who so often leave me feeling angry, frustrated or just plain misunderstood.

So I had this meeting with my boss today. Asked him what I needed to do for a raise promotion.

He said I'd been doing a good job so far, but that I needed to keep team morale in mind and "be more positive, because not everyone understands your sarcasm."

<dream>"Pfft, fuck that," I said. "It would've been better if you just asked me to fuckin' roll over and die." Then I said "screw this" and walked out.</dream>

::shrug:: What's an alienated employee or two?

I guess that promotion won't be coming for a looong time.

This is the kind of jargon-filled spam I get at work:

From: Maureen G-------- To: PHL IT Department Subject: BC of CA

Can you please confim that EPO Rev code 634 HCPC code Q99-- is transmitting as 1 per 1000 in frm/fmt 8/6? Thanks

WTF?

The Unknown As we know, There are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know There are known unknowns. That is to say We know there are some things We do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, The ones we don’t know We don’t know.

Read more....

When I came in to work this morning and turned on my monitor, there was a window open with the following message:

Mr Benson, Your inability to secure your workstation is a serious breech of [D-----] security. Please be advised that contents of your PC have changed. It is your responsibility to determine what.

Good luck.

Kinda creepy. I'm pretty sure this happened because I disabled their "mandatory" screen-locking applet. It was annoying logging back into my own workstation just because I got up to take a whiz.

Anyway, I told my boss I didn't care what was changed, as long as they left my mp3 shares, warez FTP server, Kazaa movie downloads and porn bookmarks alone.

Hopefully, all my work was deleted.

Do you care if this is coherent?

When I awoke this morning, I had a moment of clarity. My alarm had gone off minutes earlier, and I was lying there in bed at 5:30AM.

And I thought to myself, “fuck this.”

No, not the lazy, lethargic "fuck this" of someone who closes his eyes again and gropes for that fading dream, deciding that sleeping in is more appealing than getting on with the day.

This was the opposite. It was a restless, impatient "fuck this," a stirring discontent that came over me as I surveyed the coming day.

As I carried on that morning, the feeling didn't go away. I thought it would, the way a strange dream dissipates over time. Instead, it grew, no longer about a specific chore or responsibility, but seeming to envelope everything.

What was I feeling? I'd have to say it was a generalized, spontaneous dissatisfaction with all things. Life, jobs, friends, housemates, relationships...this is the best I could do? Unbelievable.

I suppose it's normal for one to feel constrained by the trappings of everyday life at one point or another. Two things are clear, though:

The first thing is that I am not where I wanted to be in life, where I could be in life, or even, knowing my shortcomings, where I thought I would be. Maybe if I'd settled for a little less in the way of economic, emotional or physical payoffs, I might have been happier over the long run.

The second thing is that things need to change. And if you know me, you'll soon see that happen.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a good friend of many years. It was the kind of one-dimensional conversation I'd come to enjoy, and indeed to demand since I started blogging.

In a nutshell, it usually goes like this: "My view is right, yours is stupid. This is logical, that's illogical. My position makes sense, yours is useless." And so on. You could apply it to any subject and it would reduce to the same thing.

During the course of the conversation I made an offhand remark about myself, and he said, "That is the first time you've mentioned feelings in a long time, Aaron."

Sometimes the quiet perceptiveness of a friend can shed light on what's missing. It's been weighing on my mind ever since.

I guess now we understand what he meant when he told Lisa-Marie Presley he wanted to have kids. (sorry)

It's tragic, really, watching my childhood idol become what he is today. And as for Michael's other issues, I suppose I identify with him more than I would readily admit: The self-loathing and insecurity of youth; the emotionally traumatic childhood, still imprinted into his psyche and carried over into his adult years; and the gradual feeling of disaffection from his own race, albeit in an extreme sense.

But why Michael has allowed this to transform him into such a bizarre human being, we'll never know.

hehe...just kidding.